Quarantine Day 56: River Awakenings

I’m still having trouble getting to sleep. So. I come with gifts of gratitude and respect to this Monongahela River. This river that flows from the Appalachian Mountains, down through Pittsburgh, joining the Ohio River . . . which flows down into the Mississippi . . . eventually joining the Gulf of Mexico and Atlantic Ocean.

These mighty currents!

I ask for clearing of the random monkeys jumping about in my mind. The phrenetic thoughts that won’t stop. Even though my body wants to sleep. Stupid stuff. Details about drives, foods, maps, roadways, tolls, people, politics. Absolutely nothing that should keep me awake at night 😩

So I asked, at the River, to help separate out this phrenetic dodgeball in my mind. Return a meaningful flow and REST! Recognizing every thought and emotion that comes forth, with the unwinding. And then asking for release of any memories that are not useful for me today.

Last night I laid down. Remembering my prayer. I awoke several times during the night, with specific memories of patient’s and families. Recognizing in my groggy half asleep mind that these were the gifts of recognition I had requested. These were the chords of horror and grief my mind was still subconsciously attached to.

So with each awakening. With each horrible memory. I cried. And intentionally breathed deeply into my lungs and forcefully expelled this sadness, grief and anger. Coughing and spewing out all that no longer serves my walk on this earth.

And I am grateful.
Knowing there may be many more ‘awakenings’. There is no fear. Just Rest.